Laurel Valley Training Run (feat. Cee Lo Green and Eminem)

The rescheduling of May's FHT attempt and our unfortunate inability to crew for Greta at MMT allowed Charles and I to join 7 other Foothillz Foolz on Saturday for a 35-mile self supported run through Laurel Valley. As smack-downs consolation prizes go, it was not bad.

Humidity was clearly a factor in completing this run, but even so, 7 foolz finished in under 10 hours (read: "I made that trail my bitch, yo!").

Charles and I ran the first half in 4 and a half hours before C-Raff succumbed to the humidity (read: "That trail made me her bitch, yo!").

Cast of Characters:
Dan (who the phuck is Harley?) the Man Hartley
Big Easy
L'il Weezy
Biz-Mark Elson
Doug Robinson
D-Ray
Nick
Charles (The Rapping Pirate)
Psyche

Charles and I had the longest distances to travel so, to avoid a 3:00 a.m. wake up call, we both headed down to the Laurel Valley entrance parking lot on Friday night and set up camp. We really had no idea if actual camping is allowed in the area adjacent to the parking lot. But it's not like we're gonna call the BMF Ranger and ask. As we set up the tent, visions of an encounter with the BMF Ranger filled my head.

In one scenario, said BMF Ranger pulls up in his Ranger wagon, set to kick us off the trail, perhaps even fine us. But I head him of by pulling out my BMF wallet and saying, "Hey, Ranger! The National Park Service called. They said you lost your wallet." (Barney Stinson wink, and...) Ranger takes the wallet, the dead Presidents, and everyone is happy.
Fast forward to 7:00 a.m.

The first squeal of tires is heard several minutes before 7:00 as Big Easy's car careens on to Laurel Valley Road on three wheels. Big Easy, Mark Elson, D-Ray (and Nick?) have arrived, and clearly, they are ready to party.

It's always great to be reunited with old friends, and as the case with D-Ray and Nick, meet some new ones. After the initial gratuitous smack talk, everyone was anxious to get on the trail, but Charles and I weren't quite done breaking down camp. We told them to go on ahead as we needed people to clear the trails of spiders a little more time. So off the spider patrol everyone went, hitting the trail at 7:15. We were able to finish up quickly, and got on the trail at 7:30.

And So It Begins

I've lost count of how many times I've run the Laurel Valley section of the Foothills Trail. But every every time I do, I hate starting out by climbing stairs! They are just awful and the first several miles is full of stairs and climbs. What's strange is that in running the entire Foothills Trail, I never remember this section as being particularly difficult. Oh yeah. That's because you ascend to the highest point in the entire state of South Carolina within 4 miles when you start at Table Rock State Park. By the time you get to Laurel Valley, you're 14 miles in and feeling stoked to have such easy running.

Easy Running

The initial 2-3 miles were slow going indeed, but when the terrain flattened out a bit we started to run at a good pace. We were both feeling good, and I kept thinking that as fast as we were moving, we'd should catch the group, eventually. The trail was just flying by and and it was awesome to be feeling good and running easily- even though I was sweating more than I usually do. I was completely drenched within the first mile. Don't even ask about Charles.

Through this 7-9 mile section, I decided to turn on some tunes, sit back (figuratively speaking, of course) and enjoy the ride.

Musical Interlude
Several miles later, I was so happy to be having a good run I was practically beside myself. Then, my good-run feeling of giddiness rose to near fever pitch as Cee Lo Green's song, "F**k You!" came on.

Can I just say? I love me some Cee Lo Green.

This man seriously knows that music comes from the heart and soul. He has a fantastic sense of humor and doesn't take himself seriously. I don't care who you are, these are great qualities.

Plus, a big black rapper in a zebra suit is so wrong it's actually right, and for that reason alone he fits right in with this motely crew.

I'm sure he'd be perfectly at home partnering up with the MFRP to write a song about Sam's zebra's (in which they would hopefully answer the eternal question once and for all: why don't humans ride zebras?)

I swear, I was in free association heaven... Before the next mile was run, I had Charles and Cee Lo collaborating on Fitty K's Ultra Rap, featuring....wait...wait for it...

Eminem!

BAM! That just happened.

I know.

They can thank me later.

Ultra Rap

by fitty-k

Word up dog, move along the trail
Keep rollin, smokin along
You ain’t about to fail
Gotja gels, hammer style
In a pouch then, I’m not slouchin
You gonna be runnin for ya life then
Not afraid of dyin
Just never stop tryin
It ain’t about the finish, not winnin
Busta rhyme and your head starts spinnin
A trail mile is a whale mile
More and more of them, that’s my style
Knick knack paddy whackin
Staying on the trail, ya’ll
Less you do some bushwhackin
Give it your best shot, give it your all
Livin the ultra life (not beer), word
It ain’t like nuthin you ever heard
We’re all together, disregard the weather
Postman goes in snow and sleet
But that sucka stays on the street
Not us though, we’re on a roll
Living life like we’re outta control
This trail running life is good for the soul

by Charles Raffensperger


Laurel Valley Giveth and She Taketh Away

Today's lesson sponsored by Laurel Valley: All good things must come to end. The humidity was finally having its way with Charles (and not in a good way). The good news is that he may have actually turned the corner in learning the lesson this trail is so desperately trying to teach him: With his sensitivity to heat and humidity, he simply cannot undertake beastly ultra runs unless the weather conditions are right.

As we reached the half way point, C-Raff began to suffer more and more, and I was right there with him. We eventually slowed waaay down and switched gears. The rest of the day would be about enjoying the day and being happy to be out playing in the forest. Together. (Personally, I love how ultra running has the coolest built-in back up plan).


Yep. Still Directionally Challenged

I find it extremely difficult to remember all the points on this trail, no matter how many times I run it. I find I'll remember the section as I'm running it, but there's always a point where I think a certain landmark is coming up, only to discover that I am totally wrong. Saturday, this played out in epic fashion:

Me: "Hey Charles. Right up here the trail is going to make a right turn and there'll be a sign for Bad Creek Parking lot, right?"
Charles: "...No."

Me: "Isn't the little foot bridge that goes along the rock wall that has water running down it coming up?"
Charles: "..No."

The last 6-8 miles always seem to be the hardest for me to run remember, as I keep thinking the distance is over a hundred (possibly over a thousand) miles and may very well include a circumnavigation of the globe I'm going to come out to an area I will recognize, (but never do).
Eventually, though, I began to get it right. I'd name an upcoming landmark..and it would be correct! Yaaay!

My take away- The more tired I become, the better my sense of direction gets.

The Laurel Valley Payoff of Excellence

Upper Whitewater Falls

After a day of following the white blazes through the thick forest canopy, taking in the incredible sights of the whitewater rivers, waterfalls, dramatic drop offs, swinging bridges, wildlife, and all around incredible scenery, you finally reach the finish.

A ridiculous climb brings you to a cool, big-ass view of Whitewater Falls.
Hells, YEAH!

Meet My New Trail Running Buddies

Wherein I recruit Eminem and Lil' Wayne as trail running buddies, Will.i.am as my body guard, realize Jesus is the ultimate endurance athlete, and embark on a mission to get my husband exercising.

Saturday I went out to Big Ivy and ran what Mountainbiking inWesternNC calls the "Big Ivy (Coleman Boundary) Best Ride." I love getting trail directions from this site, as they give you directions using both Garmin mile markers and landmarks. They also give you the "ride" (run) statistics and a good description of what you're in for, which I have found to be fairly accurate. For example, they describe "Big Ivy" as:

• Difficulty: Most Difficult
• Total Length: 16.2 mi.
• Trail Tread Condition: Moderately rough
• Total Elevation Gain: 2500 feet
• Trails/ Roads Used: FR 74, Douglas Falls, Laurel Gap, Bear Pen, Staire Creek.
• Ride Configuration: Figure 8 loop with an out-and-back extension. Travels along gravel road, a grassy roadbed, and a downhill on a steep, technical rocky singletrack.
• Starting Point: Corner Rock picnic area on FR 74 near Barnardsville, NC

Sure enough, I climbed 2500 feet in the first third of the run, was on a grassy roadbed for what seemed an eternity, and the steep, technical downhill was so steep and technical it was the slowest part of the whole run. I was doing good to cover 4 miles an hour on this trail, but it's a must-do as Walker Falls and Douglas Falls are gorgeous and definitely worth seeing.

I set off at about 7:00 a.m., and quickly realized the fire road was going to continue to climb and climb. I settled into a nice rythm of running whenever the road began to flatten a little and walking the true uphill portions. It wasn't long before I began to have a feeling of supreme relaxation. I felt like I was finally able to breathe, while realizing at the same time that I didn't even know I felt like I couldn't breathe in the first place. It wasn't just a physical sensation, although part of it was physical. It was as if my whole being relaxed and matched up with frequency aof my my surroundings. (I never get this sensation on the road- somehow, I'm able to stay completely in my head and stressed during a long run on the road).

Back to Eminem and Lil' Wayne. I had definitely slipped into the zone. I was aware of simply monitoring the effort, almost as if outside myself. I was vaguely aware of my right wrist making a little break with every step, as if to keep the rhythm of my pace. I was listening to Eminem's new song, I'm Not Afraid (over and over). Then listening to Lil' Wayne's, "Drop The World" (also featuring Eminem) over and over. It might seem weird to listen to music on a trail run, but certain music really inspires me, and I felt like I was creating a stronger memory of the run by linking it to music. As often happens while running in this state, my mind wanders and I sometimes get decent insights into things. At least that's what I think at the time. I admit I also sometimes later think that those same insights seem very much like what a really stoned person would write down in the midst of an epiphany, but whatever. Is the experience really any less valid if you look at it differently later?

Today's insight began with thinking about how my husband hates rap music. I think he hates it because it's crude, sounds angry and perhaps lacks the aesthetic of more lyrical music. Valid points. But I like it- and in this moment I was looking at music as simply energy- and rap music is a source of very powerful energy. And enerygy is not good or bad...it's just energy. Which made me think that all that anger and angst in Eminem and Lil' Wyane's music is like very condensed, compacted energy that could be transmuted into a higher frequency. Then, I of course thought that Eminen and Lil' Wayne would totally get that. In fact, they would both totally get the whole trail running experience. Totally. How all things are just energy or spirit, and so is music, and how everything is literally connected to everything else. (This is where my train of thought jumped even further to, "In fact, Jesus transmuted his body into energy, therefore, he's kind of like the ultimate endurance athlete", but I quickly retracted that line of thinking as it's so unoriginal that there are probably bumper stickers available that say that very thing...).

I stayed with the Eminem and Lil' Wayne theme a while longer. By about mile 13 I was so sure they would totally get trail running that I saw myself recruiting them as trail running buddies. It must have seemed pretty real, because I thought I also better befriend the ultimate peace-maker Will.i.am, just in case violence broke out on the trail... Can you imagine the poor dude who shouts some lame insult at one of these guys? Lil' Wayne would start to stab the guy. But then Eminem would call Lil' Wayne a Pussy and shoot the dude right there. Then he'd shoot himself just so he could go to Hell and kill him again. Yeah, it could get out of hand pretty fast.

Well, as all trips do, this one had to come to an end, too. I have to say that by the time I hit the steep descent of Bear Pen trail, my legs were hurting, and Eminem, Lil' Wayne, and Will.i.am were safely back in the studio pumping out great tunes to keep me inspired. I found myself coming full circle back to my husband, and how he totally needs to get out here and delve into this life changing experience called trail running. We seriously need more stuff to talk about.

Happy Memorial Day to every one!

6 days 'till Chattooga!!