FRIDAY: 5 Jokes and Movie

What better combo is there than to laugh and be inspired? In that spirit, I bring you 5 jokes and a little peek into the life of one very inspirational coach, Joe Newton.

First, the jokes:

JOKE #1
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all!"

JOKE #2
What's the worst thing about roller blading?
Having to tell your parents you're gay.

JOKE #3
A man urgently needed a few days off work, but knew the Boss would not allow him to take a leave. He thought perhaps if he acted "CRAZY" then the boss would tell him to take a few days off. So he hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. His co-worker (who's blonde) asked him what he was doing. He said, "I'm pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss will think I'm "CRAZY" and give me a few days off."

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?" The guy told him he was a light bulb. The boss says, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." The guys jumps down and walks out of the office. When his co-worker (the blonde) followed him, the Boss asked her, "And where do you think you're going?" She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

JOKE #4
A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. "I charge $50 for three questions," the lawyer says. "That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?" the guy asks. "Yes," the lawyer replies, "Now what’s your final question?"

JOKE #5
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Saturday?
Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.

Hope you laughed at at least one of them!

Now, the movie:

I watched The Long Green Line last night, the inspiring story of York Duke’s 2005 Cross Country season as they seek their record 25th state title in 50 years. The York team has 221 athletes participating in Cross Country- although 214 boys know they will have no influence on the season’s scores, they are moved to participate just to be in the presence of Coach Newton.

Coach Newton's goal of molding young boys into men is a life lesson for us all. He sets the example for these high school runners while instilling dedication, integrity and hard work. These life lessons are what will carry these boys through the challenges that we all face. His "tough love" approach obviously has worked for more than 50 years at York High School. I found my self wishing that I had run for him, although I was fortunate to have a great high school cross country coach.

I really liked his "thought for the day" that he provided to those eager, young minds. I recommend this film to all of my running friends.....

In fact, you can watch the entire movie on hulu here.

I hope everyone has a great Easter weekend!

Enjoy the weather, the running, and the racing!

Make sure to wish Georgia Snail good luck in his first ultra tomorrow!

FRIDAY FUNNY: VHS Reveals

Surely the running gods shall smite me for this, but with the help of my accomplice here, I simply cannot pass up the opportunity to poke fun at this 1995 instructional video that Bill Dellinger produced at the University of Oregon.

Notice I said video, not DVD. Yes, it's true, I have a secret hidden VHS video vault in my home. I occassionaly break out a classic or three for my secret video viewing pleasure.

The other day, in a blind search for Pretty In Pink, I inadvertently discovered this dusty gem, so of course I popped it in the old player (uh, yes...I also have a VHS player- duh!)curious to see what might have originally prompted me to send away for this. You see, I'm pretty sure there was no online ordering back then. I probably had to fill out an order form and wait 3-6 weeks before my bubble packaged envelope arrived in the mailbox.

O.K., I will say this: with few exceptions, the actual information contained therein is basically solid. Occasionally, some random "fact" is thrown out there like, "you must reduce the mileage of the athlete with high arches, as they are prone to injury." Huh? Otherwise, Mr. Bill spends 45 minutes speaking about solid stuff like the Priniples of Moderation, Progression, Adaptation, Variation, and Callousing.

All good stuff....but delivered in a monotone of m.o.n.o.t.o.n.o.u.s.n.e.s.s.

It's unbearable how bad a public speaker Mr. Bill is. Why they would not just have him stand next to someone who could actually make this stuff sound interesting,vital,facinating even, is beyond me.

But here's where it gets good. Playing in the background is footage of collegiate level runners training and racing on the track, a lot of it on Hayward Field before it got all prettied up for the US Olympic Trials.


Moderation. The ability to reach the big meets healthy and injury
free. Rudy Chapa and Alberto Salazar are used as examples for how it is better to enter the championship under trained than over trained.

Apparently, the concept of clothing moderation was lost on these two.


Progression. During this five minute discussion charts are used of Matt Davis’ goal of running 13:30 for 5000 meters. By adjusting the date and goal paces, workouts can be tailored for each athlete. Charting progress and changing intervals are the guides to each workout. Steve Prefontaine is used as an example of adjusting goals.

By adjusting their shorts, these guys can avoid showing those butt cheeks.



Boys, for what it's worth, Steve Prefontaine somehow managed to look cool in his Duck uniform.



Callousing. The basic premise of.. I'm not even going there.

Happy Friday everyone!

FRIDAY FUNNY: Hilarious Marathon Video

We bring you FRIDAY FUNNY 2 whole days early this week!

I dare you to watch this and not laugh out loud!

C'mon, view it.

I dare you.

FUNNY FRIDAY: Google Suggest

Part illuminating, part entertaining and part terrifying, Google Suggest is a window into the collective search psyche of our fellow humans. And based on the contents of this list — be afraid. Be very afraid.

Disturbing as they may be, they are at least anonymous. Anonymous, that is, until Google "suggests" a search to a federal agent that makes him wonder, "Who the hell asked that?" Until that inevitable day, have fun.

FRIDAY FUNNY: Costumed Runners

Think running a marathon is hard? Try running it in a costume.

You've seen 'em. Those few runners who choose to run in costume, making a daunting task such as a marathon even more formidable.


Why do they do it? Do they have all their marbles? Does the extra attention they get give them a mental push? Do they simply enjoy putting a smile on others' faces? Whatever the reason, our spirits are lifted when we see these costumed runners (unless we are being passed by a by said costumed runner, in which case we are too busy being humbled by the experience).


Let's take a look at some of these kooky runners in costume...

Thank you to all of you crazy runners who inspire us with fun costumes. If you can run 26.2 in an uncomfortable get-up, we can run it in our moisture wicking running clothes!

FRIDAY FUNNY: 'Cause I Had A Bad Day...

Feeling unappreciated? World got you down?

Consider These . .

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients alwaysdied in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am , regardless oftheir medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought ithad something to do with the super natural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team ofexperts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The nextSunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Pookie Johnson , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day?

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000..00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? - No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughter house in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What? STILL having a Bad Day?

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, Feeling Better?

A New Perspective On Hills

ORN [Obligatory Running Note]: Scheduled for later today: Cruise Intervals @ Half Marathon pace. 13.5 miles total. (2 miles warm up, 2 x 4.5 miles at 8:17 pace with 1/2 mile recovery in between. 2 miles cool down).

So, I'm here at work, settling in to Friday (and by settling in to Friday I mean catching up with all the running blogs I follow, posting my FRIDAY FUNNY, planning my long run, and oh, yeah! getting down to some serious work, D!). Anyways, I scan FootRX's blog (which by the way is getting better and better), and happily came across a race update for Aaron Saft, local running hero and serious, serious nice guy (in fact, if I weren't already stalking Ritz, Aaron would be in my sights for sure!). Here it is:

USAT&F Trail Marathon Championships

On Nov. 7th, Aaron Saft raced the Lithia Loop Trail Marathon in Ashland, OR, which served as the USAT&F Trail Marathon National Championships. The race climber 3800' in the first 8 miles up to 5000+' of elevation. The race continued for 12 miles above 5000' and was snowing at that elevation. At 20 miles, the race descended 3000' for the last 6 miles. Max King of Bend, OR won the race in 2:40 after placing 19th the previous weekend in the New York City Marathon in a stellar time of 2:19. Sam Robinson of Berkley, CA was 2nd in 2:42 followed in 3rd by Aaron in 2:48. Fourth place was Coach Greg McMillan (first Masters) in 2:54, & fifth was Jim Johnson of NH. A beautiful course & Hal Koerner & Ian Torrence did a great job of putting on a great event!

On a side note, Aaron got to meet Erik Skaggs, who we sent donations to
after his kidney failure from racing the Where's Waldo 100k. Erik is doing great! He sends his thanks for the donations. Erik is happy to be back to running. Thank you to all who contributed.

A couple of things strike me:

First, as always, what a fantastic runner Aaron is. He's such a humble guy that I am sure most people who meet him through the store are unaware of his great accomplishments in the sport. If he lived in L.A., he would no doubt be unable to avoid the rockstar status he deserves.

Second (secondly?), did you read the part that said, "The race continued for 12 miles above 5000' and was snowing at that elevation. At 20 miles, the race descended 3000' for the last 6 miles"? I am in the midst of agonizing over my race plan for Thunder Road, and as you might have guessed after my last race report, I'm really troubled by the hills in Charlotte. So, thanks Aaron for the new perspective on hills. Apparently, I don't even know what a hill is.

Elevation profile for Lithia Loop Trail Marathon:



Elevation profile for Charlotte's Thunder Road Marathon:


In summary, Lithia Loop Trail Marathon eats Thunder Road Marathons for breakfast. It makes Charlotte's course seems like an airport tarmac in comparison. The takeaway: there's always a bigger hill.

FRIDAY FUNNY: Graph and Chart Humor

FRIDAY FUNNY: Parenting Do's & Don't

These pics are from a book called Safe Baby Handling Tips by David and Kelly Sopp:



Click on Full Story for more hilariousness!

Friday Funny: What It Looks Like To FAIL....

Friday Funny: Mock Motivational Posters

Remember motivational posters? You know the ones— black background, beautiful photo, startlingly obnoxious "motivational" text?


In 1988, offices all over the world were decorated at random with these pieces of crap. I was always struck by just how attractively they managed to be condescending, and in some cases insulting. (Fairness dictates that I admit that some of them I've seen are actually pretty cool, but those are exceptions to the rule.)

Like what's up with this one?


Aren't they really saying, "Don't worry. It's possible you'll only be a loser a little while longer?"

I'm not the only one who feels this way about these motivational posters, either. All over the web, you can find mock motivational posters. There's even a web app at www.despair.com that generates the necessary graphics for you; all you have to do is supply the photo and the text. It is here, and it makes me happy. Hence, I am now able to present to you my very own motivational poster, featuring Leopold! I hope you enjoy it:



PS – Big Huge Labs has a niftly litle motivator creator, too.

So go ahead! Skip the delusions that motivational posters induce and head straight for the disappointments that these deliver: