5 Jokes Friday

MAD COWS

2 cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Hey, have you heard of that Mad Cow disease that's goin' around?" The other cow replies, "Yeah. Makes you kinda glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?"

THREE COWS*

There were 3 cows. A Red Cow, A Blue Cow, and a Yellow Cow, all of them on one side of an eighteen lane superhighway. One day, they were busy grazing along, when they realized they were out of grass... So they were thinking to themselves if they could just get to the OTHER side of the superhighway, they could eat the grass over there. So the Blue Cow was thinking to himself, and he comes up with an idea. He walks up to the telephone pole, climbs up it, walks across the line to the other side, climbs down the other side, and starts eating the grass on the other side. So the The Red Cow starts thinking to himself if the Blue Cow can do it, so could he. He comes up with an idea, and backs up away from the highway, runs, jumps, leaps over ALL 18 lanes, lands on the other side, and starts eating the grass. So the Yellow Cow, left all alone, is thinking to himself if the Blue Cow could do it, and the Red Cow could do it, then so could he. He comes up with an idea, and he walks out in to traffic. He gets run over by an 18 wheeler and dies. The Red Cow turns to the Blue Cow and says, "Moooooooooo".

TWO COWS

CAPITALISM AMERICAN STYLE- You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and start a herd of cow.

BEURACRACY, AMERICAN STYLE- You have two cows. The government takes the milk and pays you for it and then pours the milk down the drain.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE -You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

DEMOCRAT -You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. REPUBLICAN -You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST -You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST -You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

FLORIDA CORPORATION -You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.

AMERICAN CORPORATION -You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION -You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

ITALIAN CORPORATION -You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

GERMAN CORPORATION -You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

POLISH CORPORATION -You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

JAPANESE CORPORATION -You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

KNOCK KNOCK

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Impatient Cow.

Impatient cow, wh MOO!

2 COWS IN A FIELD

Theres 2 cows in a field, One cow looks at the other cow and says "moo." The other cow looks back and says "I was just going to say that."

Happy Friday, everyone!

* Me thinks the Mad Cows wrote this one.

Enoree Passage Ultra Trail 40M Preview

I will run my very first Ultra on May 9th. The Enoree Passage 40mile is one of 4 races in 2010 that constitutes the "South Carolina Ultras on Trails" series. The race is hosted by Terri Hayes. A link to her awesome site is here.


From the race website:

"Course is an out-and-back on the Enoree Passage of the Palmetto Trail in Sumter National Forest, starting and finishing at the Day Use Parking Area near Brickhouse Campground.

Runners will find much diversity and great scenery on the course. As you travel the shaded trail, you will pass by lakes, beaver ponds, swamps, cross over dams and rivers, including the Enoree River. There are bridges and wooden walkways over the rivers and swamps. You will find hills, some rocks and roots, some road crossings, some short stretches on paved and gravel roads, but the course is about 98% trail, overall, very runnable.

From the start, the course goes north on the Palmetto Trail for 20 miles to a turn-around/aid station at John's Creek Lake, then returning to the finish. Additional aid stations will be located at approximately miles 5/35, 10/30, and 15/25. All aid stations will be well-stocked with a wide variety of food and drinks, plus food at the finish. Mandatory to carry at least one water bottle. There are no cut-off times and each finisher will receive a unique award.

The course is marked with yellow blazes painted on trees, plus orange ribbons and orange flags."

Here are some pictures I found from a Mountain Biking site. They provide a pretty good feel for what the Enoree Trail should be like, with the exception of it being Spring, so I hope to seemore foliage.

I confirmed this as my first Ultra attempt after receiving this email from Jason Sullivan. I was very impressed he took the time to provide some feedback I was looking for. If you have a moment you really should check out his blog, Running the Carolinas. You'll find lots of good race recaps, information about fueling, and gear, etc.

Hey Psyche...

I think the Enoree Passage would be an excellent race to do for a first ultra. I assume that this will be your first ultra? If so, then I would say go for it! Terri Hayes puts on very laid back and relaxed ultra runs and they are perfect for your first. Her aid stations are awesome and she will have one setup every five miles. Oh, and the big draw - No Cutoff times! You can find your pace and adjust it as need be. I love that about her races.

I have run this section four times and it is one of my favorite trails in the Upstate.
There are a few small climbs, but the trail is flat and runnable for the most part. It is very diverse. You will run over three dams, cross 2-4 rivers (via bridge), and pass through several swamps while running on walkways. On the other hand you will run through some thick forest areas and even go through the edge of someone's backyard. I forget that I'm in South Carolina every time I run it.

You will find a lot of first time ultra runners at Enoree if you decide to do it. If you do, be sure to introduce youself if you have time.

Take care & hope to see you on the 9th!

Jason

I also received an email from the RD herself, Terri Hayes, who said she didn't think Enoree would be too difficult for a first ultra, especially coming down from Asheville. She said the course does have some rolling hills, a few rocks and roots, but is quite runnable. She says that for a first ultra, she always tells runners to just do it to finish, not to try to run any set time and most important, have fun. I like her already.

And So It Starts

Ultra Running, that is.

And it started with, "Hey, Leopold! Wanna go camping? There's this 40 Mile Ultra Trail Run in 2 weeks that I heard about..."

To Be Continued...