5 Jokes Friday

MAD COWS

2 cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Hey, have you heard of that Mad Cow disease that's goin' around?" The other cow replies, "Yeah. Makes you kinda glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?"

THREE COWS*

There were 3 cows. A Red Cow, A Blue Cow, and a Yellow Cow, all of them on one side of an eighteen lane superhighway. One day, they were busy grazing along, when they realized they were out of grass... So they were thinking to themselves if they could just get to the OTHER side of the superhighway, they could eat the grass over there. So the Blue Cow was thinking to himself, and he comes up with an idea. He walks up to the telephone pole, climbs up it, walks across the line to the other side, climbs down the other side, and starts eating the grass on the other side. So the The Red Cow starts thinking to himself if the Blue Cow can do it, so could he. He comes up with an idea, and backs up away from the highway, runs, jumps, leaps over ALL 18 lanes, lands on the other side, and starts eating the grass. So the Yellow Cow, left all alone, is thinking to himself if the Blue Cow could do it, and the Red Cow could do it, then so could he. He comes up with an idea, and he walks out in to traffic. He gets run over by an 18 wheeler and dies. The Red Cow turns to the Blue Cow and says, "Moooooooooo".

TWO COWS

CAPITALISM AMERICAN STYLE- You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and start a herd of cow.

BEURACRACY, AMERICAN STYLE- You have two cows. The government takes the milk and pays you for it and then pours the milk down the drain.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE -You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

DEMOCRAT -You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. REPUBLICAN -You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST -You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST -You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

FLORIDA CORPORATION -You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.

AMERICAN CORPORATION -You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION -You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

ITALIAN CORPORATION -You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

GERMAN CORPORATION -You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

POLISH CORPORATION -You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

JAPANESE CORPORATION -You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

KNOCK KNOCK

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Impatient Cow.

Impatient cow, wh MOO!

2 COWS IN A FIELD

Theres 2 cows in a field, One cow looks at the other cow and says "moo." The other cow looks back and says "I was just going to say that."

Happy Friday, everyone!

* Me thinks the Mad Cows wrote this one.