Friday, April 16, 2010

5 Jokes Friday

On Wednesday I was scheduled to run 15 miles, with the last 8 miles at marathon pace. That run just did.not.happen. From the moment I began, it felt like failure draped in despairI was working too hard to maintain my base pace.

At 4 miles, I was fairly sure this run was going down as a FAIL. There are days when you know you have it, days when you hope you have it, and days when you know you absolutely do not have it. Unfortunately, my day was hiding behind door number 3.

6 miles in, I decided to kill myself shorten the overall length of the run and begin the marathon pace part of the run. No deal. Ugh- I was just working way too hard to maintain pace. My legs didn't feel dead, exactly, but there was certainly no spring in my step. I was really concerned at the effort it took to reach marathon pace, and how bad I felt at the thought of maintaining it (and not "good" bad like, "You know I'm bad. I'm bad. You know it. Shum-on").

So I followed the standard back up plan for these situations, which is: Throw a tantrum and curse the running gods If I feel terrible on a run, I'll switch to a shorter, faster workout. If the shorter, faster workout feels terrible but I'm hitting my times, I stay with it. If it feels terrible and I'm not hitting my times, then I switch to a recovery run.

Here's how that strategy worked out for me:
I switched to 3 x 2 miles at Tempo pace. About 300 yards later, I knew there was no way I was up for that workout. I was done for the day. D.O.N.E. No recovery run. Just stop the eff running done.
My next plan of action: figure out why I feel this way, and put it behind me.
All I really came up with was that I was not recovered from Saturday's extra-hard workout. Perhaps the super-fast finish took way more out of me than a "regular" fast finish. (I think I need to stop saying 'fast finish'. I'm creeping myself out).

If I really think about it, what I felt like was...not recovered. I guess that's OK. Most likely, if Brad Hudson were advising me he'd say, "Psyche, my plan was written with the 28 year-old male in mind. You are old, and you need more days of recovery." And I'd be just fine with that. So, that's what I'm gonna pretend happened.

Oh, in case you're thinking, "Psyche, these are some pretty crappy jokes you have there on this fine Friday..."

Here's your 5 Jokes!

Joke #1: What dou you call a fish with no eyes?

Joke #2: Chinese Sick Day
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."
The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her I want sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon... You got nice house."

Joke #3: Need A Bad Day To Get Into Heaven
It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

Joke #4: Two Fish In A Tank
Two fish in a tank – one says to the other, “How do you drive this thing?”…

Joke #5: Best Dog
A doctor, an architect, and lawmonkey an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary. A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog.

The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, "Hippocrates, come!" Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to do his stuff. Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton. The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts.

The architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, "Sliderule, come!" Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff. The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal. The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie.

LawnomkeyThe attorney watched the other two dogs, and called "Bullshit, come!" Bullshit entered and was told to do his stuff. Bullshit immediately screwed the other two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the other club members for his fee, and went outside
to play golf.


  1. Hahah, love the jokes, especially the fish with no eyes :). Hang in there with the MP runs. As we've talked in the past, these seem to always be our hardest ones for us but you'll get it. Never give up, it's in there! Have a great weekend!!!

  2. You know, you just need to leave that run behind and move on. Sometimes you just can't figure them out.

  3. The fish tank one is AWESOME. Here is another one you might loooooove:

    There were two muffins in an oven. The one muffin says, "'s hot in here." And the other muffin says, "Whoaaa...A TALKING muffin!!!"

    You can thank me later.

  4. TGIF!!!! Sometimes it okay to say, "I am done!" I have had several of those I feel like craps runs:) Hang in will get better!! Happy weekend girl!

  5. Too bad about your run...I guess it's best to just plan your next run and forget about that one.

    Have a great weekend!!

  6. OK, first of all, your countdown timer fooled me. You have 8 days to go to your marathon. So go fix your darn timer, OK?! Second, who knows why some runs just plain suck? I gave up a long time trying to figure it out. I just set my expectations low, meaning I assume my run will suck, and if it does, I'm OK with it. If it goes well, then I "overachieved!" Ok, not really, but I hope that made you smile. So, stop reading this and go fix your countdown timer. I'm ADD, and it's REALLY distracting me right now. OK, I'm done. Have a great weekend. :-)

  7. BLAH! that is really too bad about your run. I think that you had the right approach though - trying to modify the run to still get the miles in. Even though that didn't work as well as you would have liked this time, I am certain that it will next!

  8. Hah! I was rolling on the floor laughing before I got to joke number 5! Sister, I've been there, bought the t-shirt and washed it with my daughter's bright pink sweater. My only therapy for a bad run is to mock it and return for more pain later. This is much the same way I dealt with hangovers in college. It is a wonder that I survived. Sigh. Good times.

  9. Sorry I am just now catching up after returning from the Grand Canyon. I am sorry to hear about your run, but am surprised that you are running that intense and long this close to a race in any way.

    Good luck at the race.