Thursday, May 6, 2010

5 Jokes Friday

Flowers Friday!
Look at this beautiful flower arrangement. This is what was waiting for me at my desk this morning. Wow! It's a "thank you" from Kristin Harkey at CMLC. What a great way to start the weekend!

It was such a pleasure working with Kristin to coordinate our participation in the race, that I would actually like to find a way to become more involved with CMLC on a forward going basis. That must be the ultimate compliment, huh? Of course, as a condition of my involvement I would expect flowers on a regular basis...

5 Jokes Friday
And now for your Friday reading pleasure, I've prepared the following 5 Jokes. There's something for everyone today: Lawyer jokes, Blonde jokes, Inappropriate Cattle behavior -it's a virtual perfect storm of politically incorrect jokes. Enjoy!

#1 - Doctor And Lawyer Talk
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

#2 - Revenge of the Blonde
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

#3 - Gotta Love Those Scots!
At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, Bono – lead singer of the rock band U2 – asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.' A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet...“'Well, foockin stop doin it then, ya evil foockin bastard!”

#4 -Mujibar Gets A Job
Mujibar was trying to geta job in India . The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job." Mujibar said, "I am ready." The manager said, "Make a sentence using the wordsYellow, Pink and Green." Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready." The manager said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, andI pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

#5 - Three Blondes
A guy is having a drink in a bar.
A lot of drinks.
A very dark bar.
He leans over to the big woman next to him and says, "Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?" The big woman replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. Sure, I'm blonde, and six feet tall, 210 lbs. and I'm a professional triathlete and bodybuilder. The blonde woman sitting next to me is 6' 2" and 220 lbs; she's an ex-pro wrestler. Next to her is a blonde who's 6' 5",weighs 250 lbs., and she's a kick boxer professional. Now, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?" The guy blinks, swallows, and thinks about it for a second then says; "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."!

Blackhawk Boys T-Shirt Weiners!
Drum roll, please.
The weiners of the Blackhawk Boys T-Shirts are:

Roisin weins the Medium shirt!!! Oooh Ahhhh Wheeee....
Georgia Snail weins the Large shirt!!! Thunderous applause....

Congratulations, guys! E-mail me your address at or, if you are one of the few unfortunate ones my server at work hates, and I will get your shirt out to you pronto. Now go out and have yourselves a great weekend, knowing you're weiners!

Photo Fun

I took this at Barnes and Noble last night. In the kids section. ...Perhaps Leopold is preparing for next week's animal-themed 5 Jokes Friday?*

And finally. 'Cause what's a Friday without a little rude Cattle humor?

Everyone gets stuck once in a while.

Just Remember....

* Look closely at the animals in this picture.


  1. AWESOME!!! My mother always told me I was a winner, now I know it is true!!!!!

  2. Congrats to the Georgia Snail and Roisin:)

    Very funny! I love the blonde jokes:)

  3. This is the first internet "thing" I've ever won! I'm so excited!!! I'm so excited!!! I'm so...scared!

    Thank you, Saved By The Bell.

    Anywho...this is awesomeness.
    Loved the U2 joke!!!


    I LOVE that #2 joke. So true

  5. The joke about the blond and the bank is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.