Friday, May 21, 2010

5 Jokes Friday and Some Shout Outs

Today's edition of 5 Jokes Friday is brought to you by...Chihuhua's Stephen Wright Dogs. I dare you not to laugh at these. I ...wait for it...double dog dare you.

"I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles." -Steven Wright

"I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. " -Steven Wright

"I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now." -Steven Wright

"The other day, I was walking my dog around my building... on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths." -Steven Wright

Joke #1 Unique Puppy
How do you find a Unique Puppy? Answer: You Neak up on it.

Joke #2 Yo Quiero
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can date me." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie says, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "Nope, that's not creative enough." Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone! Cheese mine."

Joke #3 How Many Dogs Do You Need to Change a Lightbulb?
Who cares? I can play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Labrador Retriever: Oh, me, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeze? Please, please, please?
Golden Retriever: The day is young. The sun is shining. We've got our whole lives ahead of us. And you're inside the house worrying about a burned out bulb?
Jack Russell Terrier : I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the furniture and walls.
Cocker Spaniel: Why bother changing it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Australian Shepherd: First, let me put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Rottweiler: Try and make me.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring I find that's not up to code.
German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people out of the dark, checked to make sure I haven't missed anyone and made one last perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that dumb lamp!
Poodle: Let me just blow in the border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails should be dry.

Dog Ads - Funny Misprints
*FREE PUPPIES: part German Shepherd - part dog .
*FREE PUPPIES: ½ Cocker Spaniel - ½ sneaky neighbor dog.
* FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER, 8 years old. Unpleasant little dog.
* GERMAN SHEPHERD, 85 lb., neutered, speaks German, free.
* FOUND: dirty white dog, looks like a rat, been out awhile, better be a reward.
* CUTE KITTEN FOR SALE, 2 Cents or best offer
* FREE: Farm kittens, ready to eat.
* KITTENS 8 WEEKS OLD - seeking good Christian home

Dog Works
One day, a company posted a notice saying that they needed a employee that is good with typing, good with computers, and is bilingual. The next day, a dog wanders in. As a joke, the secretary took the dog into her boss' office and said, "Sir, this dog is here for the job."
"Ok, um... mr. dog are you good with typing."
The dog jumps onto the computer and types a perfect letter
"Ok, sir. now you need to be good with computers."
The dog jumps back on the computer and makes a perfect spread sheet
"Ok" said the boss "sorry but u have to be bilingual."
the dog walks up to him and says, "Meow."

And now...Time for some Mad Dog Blogger Shout Outs!

Shout out #1 is for everyone who is racing this weekend.

Julie , who when not blogging, often hangs out at Go wish her "Good Luck!" in running the Maple Grove 5K tomorrow. Rumor also has it that she just...wait for it...signed up for her FIRST Marathon!!

It seems there's a bad case of "I went into this race feeling like crap, but then I PR'd" sweeping the nation. Maybe these people are just now shirking off the effects of Snowpocalyspe...Whatever. Shout out #2 goes to AZ and sRod, who both got Marathon PR's recently. Go show them your jealousy love and admiration. Do it now. Nice job, guys. I only hope to feel as crappy as you someday!

Happy Friday, all!


  1. I LOVE the lightbulb jokes!!!

  2. Joke 3: Basset Hound: "Oh. Another burned out bulb. Woe is me. It's always one damned bulb after another. What's the point of replacing it, it'll just burn out too."

  3. Good one, Steve! My fave is "FREE: Farm Kittens, ready to eat"
    That is just so WRONG!

  4. Woo hoo, it is Friday and that means that Psyche is posting funny jokes on her blog:) I need humor on Fridays and look forward to your Friday post!

    Thanks for the well wishes and shout out! Very funny about hanging out at You will most likely have to help me settle down a bit within the next four months! OMG...what did I do? I hope that you have an excellent weekend girl!

  5. Ha Ha HA, thank you for that :)

  6. Thanks for the shout out, but I must say it wasn't a PR. In fact it was a PW for this year so far.

    And that comment about me cranking them out? You are the one who is doing marathons and ultras seemingly every other week.